literally what the xbox one conference sounded like to me
nailed it
this will never stop being funny
sounds about right
The next water cooler.
“Bones! Buckle up.”
Yes, Bones, BUCKLE UP!
that moment of intimacy with the person who adjusts your seat belt on a roller coaster
What happens when a Samoyed puppy wants to hug you?
Ohmygod someone get me one so I can hug it forever! :|
I need a samoyed more than life.
im going to fuking die
in third grade this kid got in trouble for saying “be free my niggas” when we released the butterflies
A Mom went to have dinner with her son who lives with his roommate.
During the course of the meal, his mother couldn’t help but notice how handsome his roommate was. She had been suspicious about her sons sexuality but being a good mother she felt that he would let her know if and when the time was right but seeing the two together just made her more curious.
Over the course of the evening, while watching the interaction between the two she wondered even more if there was more here than meets the eye. Her son, sensing his mothers watchfully eye volunteered, “really Mom, I can tell what you’re thinking and you can just get it out of your mind, we are just roommates and nothing more”.
About a week later the roommate remarked, “ever since your mother was here the silver serving platter has been missing, do you think she took it?”
He responded, “Well I’m sure she didn’t but I will email her and ask just to be sure” he sat down and wrote:
Hey Mom
I’m not saying you did take the silver platter from the house and I am not saying you didn’t take it but the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.
Love,
Your Son.
A couple days later he got a response from his mother:
Dear Son,
I am not saying that you do sleep with your roommate and I am not saying that you don’t sleep with him and you know I love you and could care less either way but the fact remains that if he was sleeping in his own bed he would have found the platter under his pillow.
When are the two of you coming for dinner?
Love,
Mom
That thing that cats do that when they are being controlled by satan.
THE FUCKING LAST ONE
Someone call a vet….I think the last one is having a fuckin seizure LOL
I’ve come to the conclusion that Valerie of Lights is too perfect to be human therefore it makes sense that she’s with Beau Bokan. She probably uses his alien-like wiener to phone home.
“valerie of lights”
LOLOLOLOL DEAD
